Just before Christmas, we hovered together on a telephone line, talking late into the night with healer & spiritual teacher Simone Craig. Though neither of us are much into woo-woo, we couldn't stop gasping throughout the conversation, "This is changing us, Simone. You are actually, completely unlocking and releasing so much of our pent-up shitstuffs." Simone's intuitive ability to reach into the heart of a woman, to empathize with the single mama (she is one herself), and to place in your palm the sort of mind-blowing tools that help you find truth and feel freer than ever is truly a gift. She generously shared some of her time in our podcast (which will be released shortly. Look for it! You will love it!), and we asked her to share the most profound insight via article. Because, if you haven't yet discovered Ho’opono Ono, it is time. All the love, Gwen & Lark
When I first became a single mama, the idea of moving on and moving forward from my relationship with my ex was very attractive. My attitude was: Onward and upward, with whip cream and a cherry on top please!
But it wasn’t that easy...
The reason being, (same as so many single mamas), I had major resentment of my ex. I felt I was right and he was wrong. Period. End of discussion.
I was fine with that stance for a while, until I saw that my resentment was holding me back from being a fulfilled, joyful human being. While I was totally in love with my angelic daughter, I shut down everything else. I shut down the slightest possibility of being in a failed, hurtful relationship ever again. I stopped contacting friends. And although unintentionally, I shut down my finances.
Resentment was shutting down my life. I had to find a way back to joy. For me, the way back started with the all-important first step of release -- releasing resentment.
Why let it go?
● Resentment is a form of anger. According to the wisdom of Chinese Medicine, anger is one of the emotions that causes illness. Anger that you hold onto gets held in your organs, and deteriorates them. It literally eats away at you.
● You’re an awesome single mama who wants to be an example to your child(ren) of what it is to be whole, happy, healthy, empowered and free -- not angry, bitter and resentful.
● I’m not saying you’re wrong to be angry. Not at all! I am saying that being righteous in your anger, ultimately, doesn’t make you any happier. It actually may be keeping you from being happy and healthy. Are resentments from a relationship that didn’t last, really worth your happiness for the rest of your life?
How to let it go?
Ho’opono Ono ladies! Ho’opono Ono is a healing method introduced to the world by Hawaiian culture. This healing method provides miraculous healings and small miracles to wherever they’re directed. We can all use a small miracle, right? :)
3 Steps to Healing Resentment
1. Ho’opono Ono for your ex.
The beauty of this process is that you don’t have to totally mean or agree with the affirmations. (You’ll see what I mean.) All you have to do is say them and really want to heal. Don’t get me wrong. It helps for you to find authentic meaning in the affirmations. But it’s not a requirement for them to work for you.
● Recall a situation with your ex that you resent. Then, speak these affirmations aloud:
➔ ‘Insert ex’s name’, I forgive you for ‘insert what you resent’.
➔ ‘Insert ex’s name’, I’m sorry. (Even if you don’t mean it or understand it, say it. Forget about being right. This is about healing and moving on.)
➔ ‘Insert ex’s name’, thank you.
➔ ‘Insert ex’s name’, I love you.
● With a pen and paper, write the affirmations down.
2. Ho’opono Ono for yourself.
Essentially, you’re angry because you feel you’ve been dishonored, disrespected or personally violated in some way. I don’t have to know your ex, or the details of your relationship, to know that you have every right to feel the way you do. The deeper truth is that people treat you the way you are already treating yourself. I know that’s a tough pill to take. But if you search in earnest in your heart and mind, you know there’s truth to this. To heal this resentment in you,
● write down all the ways you dishonored, disrespected and violated yourself in the relationship with your ex.
● Notice how those patterns may still be playing out in your life today.
● Then, speak these affirmations aloud:
➔ ‘Your name’, I forgive you for ‘insert what’s appropriate here’.
➔ ‘Your name’, I’m sorry.
➔ ‘Your name’, thank you.
➔ ‘Your name’, I love you.
● With a pen and paper, write the affirmations down.
3. Massive Self-Care
● When you notice your patterns of dishonoring, disrespecting and violating yourself, stop them immediately. If you can’t stop, be willing to stop. There’s great power in your willingness.
● In stopping, you’ll naturally want to find ways to take better care of yourself. Maybe you need more sleep. Maybe you’d do well to start exercising consistently. Maybe spend some time in nature. Maybe drink more water. Maybe you need to shake your ass on a dancefloor! Start adding things in your life, every day, that honor and nourish your mind, body, heart and soul.
The more you build up your self-care muscle, the less likely you’ll fall back into patterns of self-denial and not honoring the awesome, beautiful soul you really are!
In the comments, list 1 thing you can start doing to engage in Massive Self-Care. I wish you great luck, dear single mama. I’m with you!
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