Do you ever look back and think...maybe it wasn't sooo bad? For one thing: totally normal. For another thing: generally short term. If you've been in that weird space that so often happens as you come out of relationship, wondering if it was really worth it to leave, Dawn's 10 reasons are about to resonate big-time. Tee hee, #3. -Gwen & Lark
I’m sometimes asked, by people who don’t know me very well, if I sometimes miss my marriage. They’ll say well-meaning (or passive-aggressive) things like, “Don’t you miss having someone to come home to?” or “Don’t you miss having a physical relationship?”
I usually just say, “No, not really.” Or start laughing. Or throw up into the nearest bush. But the other day, I thought about it and I realized that I’ve done those people a disservice. To be honest, there are a few reasons I miss my shitty marriage:
1. I just can’t seem to get the hang of remembering when to put the trash cans by the curb. If I have to stuff another week’s worth of trash and recycling into already full containers, I may just have to ask him to swing by once a week. Or set a reminder on my phone.
2. The house just doesn’t look the same without his scattered dung-piles of loose change, dirty socks, collection of broken electronics or his Mad Max poster. It lacks a certain…what is it? Yeah, yak-factor.
3. Not having sex with him is almost as boring as sex with him was.
4. I really miss those quiet conversations at the end of a long day. The ones about him, his stress, his importance, him, his busyness, his workload, him, his goals, his boss, him, his plans for tomorrow and also, him. Thankfully, I can talk to myself.
5. I keep running out of water, oil, transmission fluid, brake fluid, air, power steering fluid and that blue stuff that I always see in the driveway.
6. I have twenty-seven unopened jars of pickles.
7. I’m five-foot one and he got the stepladder in the divorce.
8. I’ve been spending too much time taking care of myself. Last month, I painted my toenails TWICE. It’s a little shameful and self-absorbed, really. I was a much less selfish person when I was nursing him 24/7 for a week out of every month. Sinuses, you know.
9. I see way too little of his friends.
10. The money I’ve saved on bikini waxes has been shamelessly squandered on groceries, particularly coffee ice cream.
I really owe those well-meaning (passive aggressive) folks (jerks) an apology. I miss him more than I thought.
Your turn! What do you miss about your shitty marriage? We'd love to hear from you in the comment section belowsies.